i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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