Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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