ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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