She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
