After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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