Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize