Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
