even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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