she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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