So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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