dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize