i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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