my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
