I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
