Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
