Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my shit smells like andre
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
