Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
