Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
