Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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