I want to stick my p in your. b.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize