jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
