the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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