I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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