when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
