she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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