he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
