I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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