enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's great music for shaving your balls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
