If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
