Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
