He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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