who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
