a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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