it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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