I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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