Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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