Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
