Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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