I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
