did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
