he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
