I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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