I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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