It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
