sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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