You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
