we're chasing vodka with high fives
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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