Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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