if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
