at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
