I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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