He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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