i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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