my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize