i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
