so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
