One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
