how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
