This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
