How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
