My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wear drunk well.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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