I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
