Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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