I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
