I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
