just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
