so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
