im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
