i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
