This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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