plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
