oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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