Need sex. Gaining weight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
