even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
