all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just invented taco cereal.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
